Pallets?

Does this count? Can I add pallets to the collection blog without cheapening the whole thing? Moreover, is cheapening a word? Right now this feels like the barrel's bottom, but it may not in the coming year, when I'm looking for the 150th collection to put up. Pallets have had a reoccurring role in my life, stacking bricks on them as a kid, watching my brother build things out of pallets, and floating on stacked pallets in an impromptu pond out back by the railroad tie pile when I was very young.

Sheep

In 2007, after decades of mowing his yard or watching it mowed, Rodgey had had enough. He decided to subcontract the work out to sheep. The sheep were more than willing to do the work, and to breed. Warning: if you try this logically ecologically-friendly method of yard maintenance, know that no fence ever built and no fence that will ever be built can hold a sheep. They are built like furry tanks. That would be fun to draw, furry tanks.

Vintage He-Man Action Figures

Some credit has to go to Johnny Gold for collecting and then inadvertently donating these He-Man action figures to my brother and I. Also, Johnny Gold would be a great name for a superhero, an apple, or a pretzel mascot. 

Basketball Cards

I don't know why this was ever a good idea, but for years there we collected basketball cards. Please don't judge me. As a 13 year old, there really weren't a lot of other options for what to do.

Missouri State Parking Tickets

I maintain that I am the all-time leader in collegiate parking tickets earned at Missouri State. I got all of these after I graduated, and mostly in Denise's car. That's all the joy of getting a parking ticket, with none of the hassle of having to pay. Some of them were placed on cars in my name though. And I have about $300 in fines at school there. But I payed $5 of it last year, and now see the matter as closed. 

Vintage Rubberband Ball

A bit of a stretch as an entry into this blog, the 12 pounds of rubberbands are the collection here.Try not to see the ball as one object, but a collection of elastic strings. Although, the ball (which was once the size of a bowling ball) is also impressive.

Humor Journals

This collection doesn't look nearly as great as it actually is. The Humor Journals are the funniest books I've ever read or written. For over a decade I have written everything funny that happened, tried to remember what just happened so I could write it, and forgotten what I was writing as I tried to write it down. I'm now on The Humor Journal 14. Feel free to visit thehumorjournal.com for more information.

Red Bicycles

Perhaps these bikes should've just been included in my bike pile post. But I think they deserve their own day. 

White Superstars

Not really a highlight in this blog, but still a collection all the same. I have a pair of older/dirtier white Superstars, but they didn't make the trip out to Los Angeles with me. They do have personalized laces in them, though.

Street Signs

These windchimes were quite worth the $350 fine. 

Junk Cars

My dad Rodgey has impulsively collected cars for as long as I've known him for no explicit purpose. In 2008 when scrap prices were high my brother sold a bunch of them, leaving Rodgey in tears. 

Nail Clippings

Disgusting. This is one of the worst things I've ever collected. And I'm ashamed of it. My instinct to collect is the only thing that has kept me collecting finger (and toe) nail clippings. I've often stopped the collection, only to return. It was recently thrown away, in the Great Big House Purge of 2010, but, I retrieved the collection from a dumpster. Nasty. Please don't tell any attractive women about this.

Keys

Some things we collect because we like them. Some things we collect because they're there. For four years as an apartment manager I had a virtually limitless stream of unusable keys at my disposal. And, I'm never one to let such an opportunity pass without gettin' in on some of that.

Yellow Traffic Signs

It was like living inside a rubic's cube.

Red Traffic Signs

I really still don't think any explanation is needed. Red is my favorite color.

White Traffic Signs

I still don't think any explanation is needed. I am prolific. And I've never actually been caught stealing traffic signs. And I never will, since I've retired. But I refused to give back any of my winnings. They are buried at a safe, undisclosed location on Springfield's West Side.

Orange Traffic Signs

I don't think any explanation is needed. I love to follow a sentence like that with a detailed explanation. The largest of these orange signs was actually made of vinyl, which didn't endear it to me. It did make repurposing the sign as a cape rather easy though. Traffic signs are by far my most dangerous collection, and the collection I've received the most injuries from (both physical and financial injuries).

Dan'l Art

Really the most compelling piece in my collection of Dan'l art is me. But there's also the original painting, and me aged 50 years, and the blanket, and the aliendan'l, and others including one piece that can be seen but I will not mention. Due to some adult content view discretion is advised.

Transformer Action Figures

Deciding that we hadn't wasted enough of our lives as children collecting transformer toys, my brother and I began recollecting them in 2006.

Bird Cards from Denise

 

I received each of these bird cards in the mail within 2 months of moving to California. Shortly thereafter she promptly forgot about me.

Lego Men

While only a fledgling collection at this point, this group has a lot of potential for growth and discovery. I think an nba player could be added, as could another spaceman and a medieval swordsman. 

Netflix

This collection was fun and easy. I just had to put in a movie order and wait 2 days for it to come, at which time I would open the package, send the dvd back to netflix and collect the red cover.

Ralphs Cards

Would you like a Ralph's card today?

Sure. I sure would.

So I decided to get all four collectible colors of Ralphs cards. It took several more than four visits and three lies to get all four colors. Several times I was given "Boring Grey." The pea green is definitely the hardest to collect, as it is only available in certain stores.

Black Nike Shirts from 1993

More evidence that I own a time machine. I think black is a gracious description for a couple of these shirts. All four of them are still in my regular rotation. Two have numerous chest holes, for maximum ventilation. Being that they are each 18 years old, I think I paid about a dollar a year for them. I also think I'm as good as anyone out there at keeping things for years and years.

The four include:
A sleeveless Charles Barkley "I'm not a role model just because I dunk the basketball" tshirt.
A Swoosh tshirt.
A Nike symbol with blue and green paint around it, a retro look that has come back around.
An Alonzo Mourning tshirt I had my mom sew a lot of sleeves onto.

Pinecones

Collected by Denise in 2009 each time she went for a run or had the urge to go look for pinecones. I never quite understood the reason behind gathering pinecones, or how much of an important part of the relationship it was for her.

Vintage Bicycles

I made this bike fort using bikes from childhood. The yellow bike was my first, and it has solid rubber tires (which i think is a great feature). I found that bicycles are remarkably easy to stack.

Eventually I added a stationary workout bike to this pile. Rodgey hated the the pile, and included it on his comprehensive list of grievances before I left home in January 2010.

Pez Dispensers

Growing up we collected pez dispensers to keep ourselves from thinking about how we had nothing better to do than collect pez dispensers. The plain dispenser is a noted favorite of mine. I ended up with 5 Mickey Mouse dispensers, which led to the short-lived musical group "The 5 Mickeys." This collection began in junior high, at a time when I kept starting collections that caused all the mothers of junior highers to hafta go out and buy yo-yos, then bubble accessories, then pez dispensers.

Patches

This jean jacket with patches all over it was constructed using an old jean jacket with patches all over it I had as a kid. Favorite patches include "180 game" celebrating my highest bowling game, "I heart Ohio" and Strongbad. Although I can't where the jacket in public with any dignity, it is a great piece to have in the closet and it quiets my soul.

Used Tires

Credit for this collection of 130,000 used tires goes to my dad Rodgey, who collected them from 1979 to 1982. He was paid $100 a dumptruck load to get rid of them for local tire shops. Soon, they became his retirement plan. The exacts of this plan I never quite figured out, but I know it included selling the tires to pavers.

Growing up these tires served as a playground/fort-building material for my brothers and I. I truly miss them. In 2005 th DNR removed them, after over a year of fining Rodgey $100 a day for contempt of court, due to his refusal to go to court.

Expired Beef Jerky

At the end of 2009 I purchased about 450 sticks of expired jerky at the reasonable price of $5.79 per 24 sticks. As I well know but you may not, Ihave a crush on expired anything. I love a perishable food item. My love of expired entrees is apparent in my history of taking any old foodstuff in as a mascot, and in my tendency to consume said entrees, especially if warned against them. What else is a warning but a sideways dare? As I’m writing this I’ll occasionally look over to my empty 7 lb can of chocolate pudding container, and beside that my empty 7 pound can of vanilla pudding container and beside that my face grinning back at both of them.

I began this year by traveling cross-country with only 450 sticks of beef jerky to my name. The jerky served several uses, as a high protein/high sodium power food, as a method of keeping myself awake (C’mon Dan’l, drive on through. Do it for the jerky), as occasional eveningwear, as a way to fill that jerky-shaped void in my van, as an inflammatory, and as an anti-inflammatory. After five days of driving and 63 pieces of jerky, I made it to California.

Some months ago the jerky ran out. Which I had not expected. I’m of the school that if you purchase over 400 of anything, you should be good for life. This has been the case with socks. Not so with delicious straight-from-the-discount-freight-salvage-grocer jerky. My blood pressure dropped, as did my hopes of ever seeing that much expired jerky in one floorboard again.

Then a local miracle. I found a piece of teriyaki I’d overlooked in previous whole-van searches for stray sticks. It was in the circular hollow where a spare tire might ride in other contexts. It no longer tasted like teriyaki, but had decayed into something like a feint barbeque. And not a high-end barbeque sauce. A sauce that someone tries to play off by saying “Really it tastes better than KC Masterpiece if you use it on the grill.” I am of course referring to Cattleman’s, which I have long suspected of actually being ketchup with just a little bit of catsup thrown in to keep folks off the trail. I ate the last piece of jerky unceremoniously, vowing to make it special should I ever find the last piece of jerky again. I kept finding the last piece of jerky. Slid up in the passenger side visor, inside a glove in my glove compartment, underneath another piece jerky that I’d also suspected to be the last piece of jerky.

The above image was intended to push the boundaries between sexuality and consumption. After purchasing $72 worth of expired jerky, attempted erotic pics seemed like the next logical step. It's always important to roll in your winnings.

Jokers

This was an ambitious collection. Over the course of two years I gathered jokers from every deck of cards I encountered, inconveniencing people better than I ever had before. When I finished, I had an entire deck of jokers (52 plus two jokers).

Family members began to blame me anytime a deck turned up missing its jokers. Rightfully so, I'd tell them. Many jokers were donated, including Hooter's Jokers, Pig Jokers, Polka dot Jokers, University of Arkansas Jokers, and many more!